Gratitude and being

The most wonderful morning. The most wonderful now. I woke up, and my head is clear. I am myself. I am all here, what it is I call me. It is so welcome, I am so glad, so grateful to be here again.  
How to explain it? The past ten days, my head, my self, [...]

The next stage of the journey

I have been letting the next stage wash through me over the past two days. My scan results showed a many brain metastases, swelling in my brain, my lungs, a lot of growth in the liver, bony growth on the base of the spine, which is what hurts. I am taking a steroid now to [...]

Down and up

Today was a strange combination. I woke up at 5.30. I peacefully meditated. I felt filled with light, and with knowing that all is well. Nothing needs to change. I can let go and accept that all is as it is. Accept that all is love. Myself and others and all that is. There is [...]

Two days to shake the world

I’d thought of this title before I heard there was an earthquake in the
Solomon Islands last night, and a tsunami warning. Must have been something in the air. Or the earth.  
Every moment is a challenge. Today is the day before my scan. Wednesday is the day to get results from the scan. The range [...]

Contradictions

No final decisions yet on next week, for there is still this week to go through…I had blood tests today and at 5pm got a call to go up to the hospital because I had low potassium levels. I put it off until tomorrow because I would have been there all night.  
Before I had [...]

To face reality or to look away?

How much is it necessary, right now (or next week), to face up to exactly what is happening in my body? I would rather wait. I would rather nothing was changing too, but it is…but is it changing urgently enough that I need to find out now? Couldn’t I wait and see, seeing as it [...]

Letting go of little things

Today was about letting small changes flow naturally into my time, letting go of the resistance. It wasn’t easy, but it did evolve, with degrees of acceptance. It increased my awareness of how letting go of little things on a moment to moment basis makes a big difference to enjoying and being in the present. 
I [...]

Better than yesterday

Everything is much better this morning. Not physically, I guess it’s similar, although my face is a bit more relaxed, but nose is not right. But I feel bright and my head feels clear. I slept well and didn’t wake up until 8.30. The past few mornings, I’ve been waking up early and still tired [...]

Loss

It’s been hard this afternoon. The feeling in my nose chased away as it has off and on, and hasn’t really come back over the past few hours. The left side of my face won’t move properly, and my left back molar feels loose, the gum has receded. Air feels cold in my numb nostrils, [...]

Right attitude

The right attitude is to accept the divinity of what is, now. To live and be in the present, with what is, appreciating as much of it as possible.Feeling the life that is there. Letting go of the rest.
Letting go of the future.Including the immediate future. Letting go of responsibility for experience, mine and others. [...]