A good life

It feels strange to be going home. I have got so into being in the present, living in the moment, looking at the clouds, the birds, focusing on eating and drinking, meditating and entertainment, and how I am mainly comfortable – that for it all to be changing into something else is puzzling. It is a new attitude again. I didn’t expect this. I am and I expected to be ‘happy’ to be going home. But also there is the feeling, everything is currently manageable, comfortable – if it changes – ah! Who knows? Funny to feel this trepidation. I was worried also last night about feeling some shortness of breath, and I thought, now there is a change I’m certainly not ready for, a different deterioration. I want it all to be positive for as long as possible. I did focus on it in chanting, and today it seems better. I am waiting on doctors to decide if and how many staples to take out before I go home. I am feeling much more mobile, and the pain has dropped over the past 24 hrs. I will write again about how actually being home is. Overall, I have enjoyed being here. It’s amazing what one can enjoy. Approaching it from the present focus, it has nearly all been enjoyable, except for the painful times, the waiting times, the being tied to machines and continuously disturbed times. But mainly it has been rest and recuperation with people and activities I enjoy and learn from. A good life.   Can all life be this way, even if one is not ‘outside’ of it, in the way that I am positioned at the moment?

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Filed under Cancer, Hospital, Spirituality

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