Today I did my BAS from the end of last year, when I was still working and had a couple of months of feeling that I didn’t have any cancer. Also, I stood up and washed some dishes, with one crutch, in order to give myself a reason to stand. I felt a bit wobbly on both legs after ten minutes of standing. I guess it’s good progress. My knee felt more flexible this morning, but still only slightly. It’s hard to get past the point of pain with exercise, and I think this is what I have to do. Push a little past the point of pain. It’s just that there’s enough pain without pushing for me at the moment. I’ve printed out some more physio exercises, to try to do for 10 minutes, 6 times a day. I can do these while I read and watch movies and listen to music. I so much prefer lying down on the bed to sitting up and bending my knee. I feel secure with my leg supported and comfortable.The finger on my right hand, which kept me awake for an hour with pain and worrying last night, is much better today. Hooray for that. Earlier, I was thinking to myself, progress, even, is not necessary. Progress is still a time-based thing. Being in the present means not resisting the present as it is now, just living it as it is now. Not worrying about how much or how quickly things are getting better, or worse. There is no way of knowing, until each moment happens. I can only do what I can to encourage the positive to happen. The feeling of progress makes things easier. But it is not necessary.Still I hope for it.  


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Filed under Cancer, Philosophy, Spirituality

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