The next stage of the journey

I have been letting the next stage wash through me over the past two days. My scan results showed a many brain metastases, swelling in my brain, my lungs, a lot of growth in the liver, bony growth on the base of the spine, which is what hurts. I am taking a steroid now to try to reduce the swelling and help with the foggy feeling in my head.  

I also had a potassium and magnesium infusion yesterday, as the levels were low.  

Today I just let go and was how I was, how I felt. Up and down. Confused, sad, happy. Happy that I’m here and today I feel better than yesterday. I still went to the pool, and enjoyed walking in it. I had a delicious dinner of a minted rack of lamb. I am hungry often (this is a good sign!) and I savour and linger over every taste and flavour.   

This is what is, now.  

I talked to a counselor today, who said, what is fighting? What is letting go? This is a good question. What is, is, and this is I don’t need to fight. This doesn’t mean that I give up, but more that I don’t resist the moment itself. I have talked to the doctors about re-commencing chemo soon. Then the letting go is accepting the moment of that. I hope my cloudy mind can still make some sense.

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Cancer, Life, Philosophy, Spirituality

3 responses to “The next stage of the journey

  1. You are open to comments. Oh dear, what to say? I have been here, read your last four posts. What a courageous woman you are, to show your inside out. It is vulnerable and then again it is also not at all. There is no need to hide any more, this is it.
    I think of you. Until later. Hug Miriam

  2. myinneredge

    My dear Kim…I am sending prayers to you and your family…may you know peace on this journey…S.

    Illumination

    The world is held in the small hand
    Of someone who sits so as to be able
    To shake the univers,
    Then stands up as beautifully as the spring:
    We hear the resonance of eternity.

    – Giac Thanh –

  3. Thank you both for your words. It is wonderful to feel love and support from wise, loving people. Reading your comments, and what you write in your blogs is an inspiration to me.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s