Category Archives: Dreams

Dream driver

I had another short dream, related to the previous one I’ve written about. It continues on the ‘whose driving’ theme.

I am in a van, Kombi-sized, with a closed two-seater cabin. I am in the passenger seat. The van is moving, but there is no driver, as in the previous dream. This time I am not driving at all. I look at the empty seat, and notice we are moving along. And I think (without actually recalling the earlier dream), here we go again, no driver.

A voice says, into the cabin, ‘What do you mean, no driver? Of course there’s a driver. How do you think we got this far?’ The voice is strong and amused, rather than annoyed.

And it seems self-evident to me that what the voice says is true. Although I am puzzled that there appears to be no driver that I can see, I accept that, in fact, there is one, and everything is under control.

So what does this one mean? How does it relate to the last one, and my newly invigorated decision to be my own driver?

It seemed to me to be clearly about a higher, invisible force – about God, about an inner self, about Shiva, about the subconscious – about forces of the universe. And the feeling that it was all under control, even if I couldn’t see the way that it was.

This dream reflects a stronger state of faith than I’d say I’ve felt before. My agnostic mind finds itself surprised – although why it should be, I don’t know, considering the feelings and thoughts I’ve had for quite some time, and most particularly those on death and hope from yesterday. It is unusual to find myself reaching such a definite conclusion on such a topic.

Also, I don’t think the dream was implying that I couldn’t or shouldn’t drive. But maybe that I didn’t have to, no need for desperation, no matter what happens. This fits with how I was feeling yesterday, the sense of a calm hopefulness. And it hasn’t stopped me from doing a fair bit of driving my own car today. I’m having a scan on Wednesday to see whether the small fractures in the femur that were discovered today can be repaired with a steel pin. And more drugs etc are on their way. Today all went very smoothly, with sympathetic assistance from four doctors, coordinated by an inspirational one.

I am happy about the invisible driver.


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What does it mean?

This is my interpretation of the dream in yesterday’s post.

Overall, the feeling of the dream was that everything is okay. I’ve been managing with one hand, but in a dangerous situation. I felt that overall my priorities were right, that this was the way it had to be, even though I was doing too much at once. There was acceptance at all levels, except when I tried to ask someone else to drive.

Symbolically, I see the car as my body – frail, open, careering very fast, and out of control. But it is the thing that contains me, and all my time, represented by my oldest love (Granny) and my youngest love (my son). The past is no longer capable of managing, directing my body, and it never was (Granny didn’t ever learn to drive). The future is not yet ready to take over. So I have to keep directing it.

I was doing it distractedly, one-handedly, successfully too, even though it was difficult, a drag, and I was constantly nearly smashing into one obstacle after another – many potentially lethal moments.

The present (me) has been focussed on other prioritised business, and that was right – I see this as spiritual development, ‘living’, loving and being with people that I love, up until now.

However, now I am in the valley of the police. I don’t know why, but I see the police as the cancer cells. In a dark valley, apparently a threat, something to be frightened of, something that must be appeased. Perhaps I will lose my licence to drive this body at all! And there are multitudes of them, potentially very forceful.

But they are smiling, friendly, going about their business, nodding in passing. This I find puzzling. I think perhaps the dream source doesn’t see pain and suffering, even death, as unfriendly or aggressive, but as part of a system of protection? Also, their path is their own path – they are just incidentally blocking mine, not intentionally.

The most positive thing though is that I feel that if I concentrate, just for now, on navigating through them, I may be able to. And I have to. There is no other choice. This is now the priority. If I collide with them, there will be no more trip to be on. But I feel that I can do it.

Note, the dream itself doesn’t promise that I can do it. I woke up while still going through the multitudes of them, that were blocking the way very effectively. But I felt sure that I could. That I was, doing it. And it was okay.

When I woke up I had a plan of what to do next, with doctors and hospitals and phone calls and roles for different people. This was even before I remembered the dream. The main thing is to keep my mind on the driving, keep my hands on the wheel. I hope I can.


Filed under Cancer, Dreams, Spirituality

A life dream

 I had a dream that helps me with my current situation (described on the About page, and in the two posts below).

I was in a vehicle, like a Moke, a low vehicle with open sides. My grandmother and my youngest child are sitting in the back. For some reason, I can’t, or I don’t want to, drive – I have something more important to do, and this is right. I know the other thing is the priority. So I am not sitting in the driver’s seat. In fact, no-one is.  The vehicle is careering wildly across country.

It is open country (no road), African hills, of the cropped-down, used up variety. There are lots of muddy pools, mud that has been churned up, like a motocross track. There are many rocks, streams, occasional people: many obstacles, twists and turns. Every now and then I reach over and twist the steering wheel so that the vehicle doesn’t overturn or smash into something. I wish somebody else would do this, because I’m busy!

I find myself saying, ‘Could one of you just give this wheel a twirl now and then, so we don’t crash.’

Then I think, how ridiculous, neither of them can, a crazy old lady who hasn’t really noticed where we are, and a little child who never has before, how could you make him responsible? So I keep doing it, successfully, even though it’s a drag and a distraction from the main business, which obviously must be done too.

Suddenly we are in a valley. It is dusk, and the valley is bivouacked, full of police, multitudes of them.

At first, I think it is some kind of massive road block. Guiltily I think it’s surely enough hours since I had that gin and tonic, I don’t feel any effect from it, I should be okay, I guess I’ll find out in a minute when I’m breathalysed, how long it takes to get through my system. 

Then I think, perhaps I really ought to be in the driver’s seat, that might be a requirement.

The vehicle has slowed right down, and I see the police are smiling, going about their business. They are at some huge camp, not concerned with traffic at all. I smile back at them, thinking I’ll probably get through this okay as long as I don’t knock anybody over. Then they wouldn’t be so friendly. So my focus now is on steering the vehicle through. In peace. It is not so difficult. I am not trying to do anything else.


I have to go and do a taxi run now for my daughter, so I’ll post my analysis of how the dream relates to the current situation tomorrow. Anyone else’s ideas welcome.

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Filed under Cancer, Dreams, Spirituality